Thursday sure seems perilous. We've got James Comey testifying in front of the Senate, threatening to tear down the whole Trump-Russian edifice -- whatever that edifice might be. We've got the British national elections where suddenly, out of nowhere, the Labour Party could be on the verge of a major upset, which could send the British stock market and the pound plummeting. And we've got a major European Central Bank meeting in Estonia, where the nascent European economic expansion might merit the end of massive monetary stimulus.
The handwringers will be out in full force. I expect the same people who told you to sell last time Trump was in trouble will tell you to sell again. I am sure the same people who bolted when Brexit occurred have one foot out the door. I can promise you that there are people who genuinely will flip out and dump stocks if the ECB removes it stimulus.
Oh, and let's be sure: by Thursday evening, whatever's negative will be exacerbated by talk that the Fed now can't raise rates when it meets next week.
It's a triathlon of terror, a gauntlet of gigantic proportions that no bull can pass unscathed.
Wrong. Some bulls have a different, more ... how do you say ... sanguine, view of the situation. They are hoping that these extraneous events allow them to buy more of their favorite stocks. They are literally waiting for some of the noisier prognosticators to come on CNBC and sternly tell people that this is it, the last opportunity.
They want to hear that FANG is defanged and that rates are headed to one and oil to $37 and everything else in the world that is supposed to be frightening will occur as inexorably as Humpty Dumpty falling with no real plan to get out the Elmer's and do some gluing.
How can they be so complacent? That, too, is the wrong word. They aren't complacent. Far from it. They are locked and loaded and ready.
You know why?
Because they have the buy list. The one that is screened and vetted and vetted again. They have the list of 15 stocks that have to be bought in the event of a triad of terrible headlines, and their biggest fear is that saner heads will prevail, the jeremiads won't be flying, the sirens will be silent, and nobody's going to freak out about events that simply don't impact the list in any way shape or form.
You think it is a grand conspiracy? You think there's something unfair about how confident they are, while you are shaking about the outcome of Theresa May's June assault? You think there's something too sublime about not fretting the Estonian program? You believe that it's ludicrous that they aren't more frightened of what Jim Comey can say about his former boss, and that he might bring the house down?
Then you haven't seen the list.
So, I will show it to you, with a snippet of reasoning behind each one, so you can begin to feel as confident as they already are, even as their confidence is constantly mistaken as arrogance, indifference, indolence and, of course, the dreaded C word: complacency.
Without further ado and in the order of importance I think they will grab for them, so you can be even more ready than they are, here's the 15 stocks they want to buy so badly they are praying for negative outcomes:
- Nvidia (NVDA) . Did you really have to think about this one? Jensen Huang is now running circles around all other makers of chips, because his are the magic behind voice, behind machine learning, behind autonomous cars and behind gaming graphics. You think this stock cares about Theresa May -- as if a stock can care? I bet the buyers don't know the difference between May and June, other than it's typically warmer -- although this June's been a challenge so far.
- Broadcom (AVGO) . This juggernaut, captained by the reticent Hock Tan, is the premier internet of things chip company that just reported and too few people got into it when it took off. Bring on the ECB, maybe we get what's ever most horrid and this stock actually goes down a couple of points.
- Microsoft (MSFT) . OK, this is the squeamish one on the list, but I put it up at three because if it falls more than $0.37, you have to move. It's all about the cloud and the cloud, particularly Azure, Microsoft's version of the cloud, but it doesn't hurt that there's a robust PC cycle, too.
- Amazon (AMZN) . Is Azure too wild for you? Than get into the original A from FANG, because the company's got so many irons in the fire that people have forgotten it's basically a retailer. I think some people would buy this stock in the event of thermonuclear war.
- Visa (V) /MasterCard (MA) . All of that bank money has to go somewhere, and it sure ain't going to the banks. The non-credit card companies are the winners, and they never go down. I don't know if this troika will drive them lower, unless all three negative outcomes occur, although these days we can't be sure what the negative outcomes are other than what the scaredy cats tell us they might be when they grab the mike.
- Johnson & Johnson (JNJ) . Look, people have soured on Lilly (LLY) fled Bristol-Myers (BMY) , given up on Allergan (AGN) , become too bored by Pfizer (PFE) , don't care for the unexciting Merck MRK, and can't touch the overseas drug companies because of all the precipitant reasons above. So just go buy JNJ, which has become anointed by the lack of detractors the others suffer from. I wish there were more to it. Solid pipeline, solid management, loved.
- McDonald's (MCD) . A combination of fantastic new tech, slimmed-down menu, all-day breakfast, and tremendous management has reignited this death-defying stock. All you need is some triple tender; like it matters who is in the White House for this one.
- Adobe (ADBE) or Autodesk (ADSK) . I pick these two because investors really don't even know what they do anymore, except go up. Adobe does something in the cloud they like -- it's actually about making it accessible and usable and creative -- and Autodesk is for worker productivity and modeling, computer-aided design. Whatever. They go up. That's their principal attribute.
- Lam Research (LRCX) . You have to make all of those red-hot chips, whether they be DRAMs, or flash, or just general internet of things gizmos. Lam makes the machines that make the semiconductors.
- Activision Blizzard (ATVI) . It's got the hot games that run best on Nvidia's chips. Gamers themselves can substitute Electronic Arts (EA) or Take-Two (TTWO) , my favorite because of its coming dominance in NBA E-sports. Your call, of course.
- General Dynamics (GD) . You think that any of these stops the defense stocks? Your hope has to be that Comey delivers a knockout blow to Trump, because then, and only then, will this monster suffer a glancing blow. Our allies have to buy arms from us. Our president is our salesperson-in-chief for them. If he wants to avoid heat, he goes on the road. Then country leaders who fear him -- and they still will -- appease him with arms buys, if he lets them. Desperate buyers who don't see GD go down can buy the second banana, Lockheed Martin (LMT) .
- Comcast (CMCSA) . I work for it; phenomenal, growing cash flow, the way to access the internet, with the government favoring the cable companies against those heavy users who have benefitted from Obama's largesse.
- Intuitive Surgical (ISRG) . Even if all three outcomes turn out badly, this king of medical devices will fly, aided by the total inability to ever get health care legislation through that could possibly damage it, although I don't think that any hospital can afford not to have an Intuitive machine these days.
Now, you can say, wait a second, that's just 13. But remember, MasterCard is tied with Visa and Adobe linked with Autodesk, so don't be so picky.
Are there other anointed stocks? Of course. Am I being arbitrary and capricious? Sure, try to stop me. I just wanted to get you "their" list, so stop quibbling. You have it. Go to work being ready, that is if you even want to know more, lest you turn against one of these names and be the worse for it.